When I think back to our first international move with kids, I remember feeling two things at the same time: excitement for the life we were stepping into, and uncertainty about how this lifestyle would shape our children.
I had been studying, living, or teaching abroad for years, but becoming a parent while working in international schools opened up an entirely new layer of questions:
How will this impact their identity? Their friendships? Their emotional wellbeing?
And, maybe the biggest question:
How do I support them while navigating the demands of my role as an educator?
It wasn’t until I came across Dr. Ettie Zilber’s book, Third Culture Kids: The Children of Educators in International Schools, that I finally found answers written specifically for families like ours.
This book didn’t just validate what I had noticed in my own kids, it gave me language, insight, and reassurance. And that’s what today’s post is all about: a practical guide to raising kids abroad, grounded in the research that speaks directly to international school educators and their families.
Want more information about how to get a job at an international school? Check out these posts:
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- International School Recruitment: Where to Find Jobs and How to Get Hired
- Moving Abroad as a Teacher: How to Prepare for Your First International School Job
- International School Services vs Search Associates: Which International School Recruitment Agency is Right for You?
- What to Expect at Your First International School Job Fair
- International School Teacher Benefits Packages Explained: Housing, Airfare, Healthcare, and Tuition Benefits
- How Much Money Can You Really Save Teaching Overseas? A Practical Guide for Educators
- Teaching Abroad with Kids: A Practical Guide for International School Teachers and Expat Families
- Teaching Couples and Families Abroad: Navigating International School Careers Together
1. What Makes Educator Kids Different? More Than You Think.
Before reading Zilber’s work, I assumed my children’s experiences were simply part of the broader TCK story. But the book highlights something crucial:
“Children of international school educators have a unique TCK experience — distinct from corporate expats, diplomats, military families, or global nomads.”
They live their daily lives in a community where their parents’ workplace, social circle, and school environment often completely overlap. That comes with incredible strengths and complex challenges.
For example:
- Their teachers are also their parents’ colleagues.
- Their classmates may be a mix of very wealthy local students, expats, and transient families.
- Their social world resets every time a contract cycle ends, not just when your family moves, but when other educators leave too.
Reading Zilber’s research felt like someone had finally put words to the subtle dynamics our children experience but don’t always express.
2. Understanding the TCK Identity: Through the Lens of Educator Families
One of the things I appreciated most about Zilber’s book is how clearly she articulates the unique identity of children growing up in international schools, especially the children of educators. She explains that our kids don’t just live in a new country; they grow up inside a microculture shaped by the school community, the faculty environment, and the rhythms of expat life.
When I read her descriptions, I found myself nodding along because I could see my own kids reflected in every chapter.
Identity Layers
Zilber describes how educator kids develop layered identities: pieces of the culture we bring from home, pieces of the host country, and pieces from the globally influenced world of their school. It’s a blend that gives them a powerful sense of connection in many places, and at times, a sense of not fully belonging anywhere. That duality is something many TCKs quietly carry.
Mobility and Hidden Losses
She also writes thoughtfully about mobility and the hidden losses educator families experience. Because our lives run on school calendars, transitions often happen quickly and predictably, and every year brings new students, departing families, and shifting friend groups. Zilber calls attention to the “quiet goodbyes” our kids make long before we even pack a single box: the classmates who move unexpectedly, the teacher they adored who leaves at the end of the year, the friendships that change as people come and go.
The Strengths
But Zilber is equally clear about the strengths that come from this lifestyle. Adaptability. Cultural fluency. Confidence in unfamiliar situations. An ability to build relationships across languages and backgrounds. Reading her work helped me see these strengths not just as happy byproducts of expat life, but as core parts of my children’s identity worth celebrating and nurturing.
Her framing reminded me that my children aren’t simply “growing up abroad.” They’re growing up in a very specific cultural context, one that offers incredible opportunities but also requires intentional support and understanding. As parents and educators, recognizing that complexity is one of the most meaningful things we can do for them.
3. What Life Looks Like for Kids Inside the International School World
One of the chapters in Zilber’s book that struck me the most was her explanation of the “school bubble.” If you’ve lived on a compound or spent years in a close-knit international school community, you don’t need much convincing that the bubble exists, you feel it every day.
Our kids grow up in a world where school, home, friendships, and our workplaces blend together in a way that’s unlike anything back home. Their friends are often the children of our colleagues, their teachers are our coworkers, and their playground sits just steps from where we lead meetings, coach teams, or attend faculty events.
And this bubble comes with beautiful, meaningful advantages.
Kids adjust quickly because they walk into an instant community. They build friendships across cultures, sometimes with children who speak two, three, or more languages. They have access to facilities, opportunities, and experiences that many schools back home simply can’t offer. And for many families, the support within an international school environment feels almost like an extended family network.
But Zilber also names the harder side of this lifestyle, the parts we often instinctively know as parents but don’t always articulate.
The boundaries between school and home blur easily. Our kids feel watched in a way their peers back home don’t. There’s an unspoken pressure to behave a certain way because everyone knows who their parents are. Privacy can be limited. And friendships, no matter how deep, are often interrupted by mobility: contract cycles, recruitment seasons, or the nature of expat life.
Reading this made me reflect on moments in our own home that I hadn’t fully understood. The times my kids hesitated to tell me about a tough day at school because they knew I was friends with their teacher. Or how emotional goodbyes become an annual rhythm, not just something that happens when we move.
Zilber’s work helped me see these small moments for what they were: signs of the unique world our kids inhabit. It is because of that, we’ve learned to talk more openly about the overlap between school life and home life, and how they can navigate both with confidence and support.
4. What Has Helped Our Family Thrive (Inspired by Zilber’s Work)
Here are some practical strategies that have genuinely made a difference for us:
Create clear boundaries
We worked on separating “school talk” from home life so our kids didn’t feel like they were living inside my job 24/7.
Establish portable family rituals
Zilber highlights the grounding effect of consistency. Our rituals: homemade pizza nights, holiday movies, travel-day routines; all of these move with us.
Check out this post for more advice on celebrating holidays overseas as expats:
Acknowledge transitions openly
We prepare for goodbyes, talk about mixed emotions, and help our kids express what they’re gaining and what they’re losing when we (or a friend) move(s).
Let them shape their identity at their own pace
Some kids embrace being TCKs. Others resist it. Zilber encourages parents to give kids room to define themselves in ways that feel true to them.
Lean into the strengths
We talk often about how culturally competent, flexible, and globally-minded our kids are becoming, not as pressure, but as recognition.
5. Why Third Culture Kids: The Children of Educators in International Schools Is My Top Recommendation
If you are an international educator with children, this is the book to read.
It explains:
- the emotional world of educator kids
- the unique pressures of living inside the school community
- how mobility shapes identity
- how you can support your children through every transition
Most importantly, Zilber writes with compassion for both educators and their kids. You feel understood as a parent and validated as a teacher.
If you only choose one resource as an educator-parent, let it be this one.
6. Additional Helpful Reads for Expat Families
While Zilber’s work is the heart of this post, there are two additional books I recommend to anyone wanting to deepen their understanding of cross-cultural childhoods:
Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds
A foundational book that outlines the classic TCK framework. If Zilber’s book explains your specific world as an educator-parent, this one explains the larger TCK landscape your children (and students!) are part of.
Safe Passage: How Mobility Affects People and What International Schools Should Do About It
A must-read for understanding transitions: leaving, entering, and everything in between. It’s especially helpful if you’re in a counseling or leadership role.
Final Thoughts
Teaching abroad with children is a gift, not just for us, but for them.
Their childhood becomes a tapestry of countries, cultures, friendships, and stories they will carry for life. While that tapestry includes challenges, it also includes strengths many adults spend decades trying to build.
Books like Third Culture Kids: The Children of Educators in International Schools help us understand our kids more clearly and support them with more confidence. They remind us that our children’s experiences are not accidental, they are meaningful, complex, and deeply worth honoring.
If you’re raising kids abroad or considering a move in the future, I truly believe this book will make your family’s journey stronger.
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